right now…

right now, i feel bad.

my heart feels like a hammer has smashed into it. my back aches. my eyes feel dry after the tears evaporated. they are tired of staring at the screen. they want to sleep, but my mind keeps them awake. i feel bad for not being good enough.

i want to take her pain. i want to soak it up. i want to pull it away it away from her, and into me. i can handle my pain. i can handle it secretly. i can handle it quietly. very quietly. i have nothing to interfere with. i simply go here and there and sit and stare, and it is easy to deal with sadness when this the extent of your movement.

she, on the other hand: has a lot to do, mouths to feed, money to make. let me soak up her sadness, intensify it in me, but just pull it away from her.


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